Let the carapace melt this summer

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images (1)I’m sleepy but still I wish to write. Might be a short one. Let’s see how it unfolds.

Dear diary,

I’d switched the lights off , was lying in my bed , had my earphones plugged in and had been thinking about stuff which has given me a headache. Then I thought of you. After contemplating on whether to sleep and let my mind rest or get up , switch the lights on and again trouble you, here I am . Yeah, I was reminded of what someone once told me : “People often tell the truth when sleepy.” And yes sweetheart, you’re anytime more worthy than is my sleep.
The session is going to be all girly and what I am about to give an account below of might seem a scene from a chic flick teenage drama. But is it not okay for me to indulge in my hopelessly romantic “girly” side of me? Yes, it is. And now some ‘classicy’ display of emotion, ” Never in my life did I ever think I’d be subjected to such a tumultuous storm of varying emotions. As I scribble upon your leaf , my mind is providing refuge to sadness followed by guilt, followed by regret giving way to anger and then pure animus.
As the leaves of time unfolded themselves, change has been the only thing that’s remained constant. And this is what will remain so in the years to come. ”

Anyways now, enough of my shenanigans. Lately I’ve been mentioning to you about this guy/friend I met recently. Well Bad News! He doesn’t possess the characteristics I desire. He’s more of a journalist type, the sorts who’d write a book review than cherish reading it. Practical and no nonsense type. I might be wrong but this is as far as I’ve got.

From the past few days we’ve been constantly exchanging texts and by constantly I mean constantly: whole throughout the day. The day generally ends with him falling asleep in the midst of a conversation (if you’d call it that). This gets so irritating at times that I’m afraid someday, I might throw a tantrum.

Anyways about this guy.. you know what, I’m tired of addressing him as “this guy”. So let me call him umm Z. I’m more inclined towards the alphabet ‘X’ but ‘Z’ it is. Not that I’m looking for a relationship thingy but still I write about him. Don’t you think that weird ? But fine, so am I.
I’m a dreamer. I love living in a fantasy world where everyone around me resembles my favorite fictional character. Loves to read, love to write, love to dance , love to sing .My very idea of living and being. I love indulging in intellectual conversations- ” The ability to just sit and talk. About love, about life, about anything, about everything. To sit under the moon with all the time in the world, the full-speed train that is our lives slowing to a crawl. Bound by no obligations, barred by no human limitations. To speak without regret or fear of consequence. To talk for hours and about what’s really important in life.”

Back on track. I’d say he’s charming. Though we “talk” a lot I hardly know him though he seems to have deciphered the whole of me. Yes, the nasty habit of wearing my heart on my sleeve still persists. I believe I can’t get to know a person unless I spend time with him. And by spending time I mean sitting together and talk talk and not text talk.

I read something about the difference between real time talks and the way we talk and my first reaction was : “Oh My God! This is so written for me.” I don’t remember the exact words but I’ll surely pen those down after scrimmaging through my documents folder.

Faking an emotion through an emoticon is a child’s play. One gets time to think and manipulate. So honestly, I don’t sense any amount of genuinity on the other side and if I do , I immediately chide myself for being so naive. And arghh!! This 10 day break is now annoying. Why? I know I can read as much as I want, I can sleep for long hours and while time away. But more than my love for all the mentioned stuff is my curiosity to know whether or not, when college resumes, he is willing to share his time with me.

Fingers crossed.

Till further notice

Yours truly


P.S This is what I read :

“We’d said we’d keep in touch. But touch is not something you can do from a distance. Touch is not something you can keep; as soon as it’s gone, it’s gone. We should have said we’d keep in words, because they are all we can string between us-words on a telephone line, words appearing on a screen. But they cause more complications than clarity. On the phone, there are always voices in the background. On the screen, there are always the sentences saying he has to go.”

– How They Met, and Other Stories (David Levithan)